Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He did a backflip because drugs
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