Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
