lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
