you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
