yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize