Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
