I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
