Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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