hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
