Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
