I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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