i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
