even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So vagazzling was a success
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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