I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
