I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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