Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
