no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
