So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
