u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
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At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize