it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
