I haven't been this sober since birth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
