i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
