She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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