Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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