God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
