im holly from the hills drunk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
