I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
