I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
