Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
