I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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