OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
