An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
