Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.

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(405): It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him. http://tfl.nu/10ee

Replies (25) Good night (1532) Bad night (1715)
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(813): View more from Florida

Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.

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(813): Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago. http://tfl.nu/p2wp

Replies (20) Good night (3802) Bad night (773)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.

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(215): i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are. http://tfl.nu/vh2p

Replies (85) Good night (1248) Bad night (6581)
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(727): View more from Florida

Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.

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(727): Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water. http://tfl.nu/rvne

Replies (2) Good night (3629) Bad night (799)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms

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(336): christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms http://tfl.nu/f1de

Replies (27) Good night (6036) Bad night (1195)
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(314): View more from Missouri

You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.

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(314): You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important. http://tfl.nu/ehih

Replies (18) Good night (2598) Bad night (2835)
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(661): View more from California

We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.

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(661): We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila. http://tfl.nu/fos5

Replies (22) Good night (894) Bad night (3813)
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(850): View more from Florida

Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.

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(850): Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either. http://tfl.nu/kaox

Replies (1) Good night (1356) Bad night (1958)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can

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(604): Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can http://tfl.nu/fug3

Replies (6) Good night (1234) Bad night (743)
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(620): View more from Kansas

I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.

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(620): I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin. http://tfl.nu/7pmc

Replies (3) Good night (800) Bad night (1078)
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(616): View more from Michigan

what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?

(1-616): View more from Michigan

i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.

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(616): what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place? (1-616): i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day. http://tfl.nu/ba7u

Replies (2) Good night (993) Bad night (367)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!

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(630): Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law! http://tfl.nu/y27z

Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (427)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I deserve to be covered in dicks

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(570): I deserve to be covered in dicks http://tfl.nu/rtn9

Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (368)
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(469): View more from Texas

I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.

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(469): I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some. http://tfl.nu/ar3h

Replies (1) Good night (611) Bad night (427)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.

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(203): the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law. http://tfl.nu/eqhh

Replies (6) Good night (839) Bad night (268)

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