# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
