Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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