After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wear drunk well.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
