I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she smelled like a LAN party
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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