I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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