I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
