i may or may not be watching the land before time
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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