I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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