paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
only if we run a train.
done.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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