That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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