I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
