Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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