its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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