I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
