its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize