You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
