How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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