I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
