Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
