You can't special order awesome
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
