Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
