last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
