her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
