you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
