New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
