So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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