I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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