her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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