i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
