don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
