i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
