google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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