So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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