Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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