She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
