Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
