we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
