lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So many bounce houses so little time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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