You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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