Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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