i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was like eating out sand paper
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
