Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
no, he came in my armpit
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ketchup is God's man juice
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
