Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i drank out of a bidet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
