I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
