I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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