i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
