gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
